Brave

Once upon a time there was a little girl. 

She was what one would typically define as "nerdy": bushy hair, buck teeth, and a mouth-breather with an early love of reading and video games. Said little girl had a lot of dreams. She wanted to be a writer; she wanted to be a doctor and a painter. She wanted to be a dancer. This little girl loved to laugh and play make believe. Sometimes it gained her friends.

And sometimes it didn't.

Let's be real, elementary and middle school are typically embarrassing experiences for us all. We're growing, going through puberty, getting crushes, and trying to figure out where we fit. I, like everyone else, wanted to fit everywhere, but in reality felt like I fit no where.

Sound familiar?

So, I did the most logical thing for a child to do in that situation.  

I changed.

It started with little things. I stopped talking about that new anime I loved. I wouldn't volunteer to answer questions in class; I stopped hoping to get invited to things. These small things eventually evolved into bigger issues. I changed the sound of my laugh after some boys compared it to a donkey. I stopped curling my hair, something that made me super happy, because I got made fun of in class. I stopped dancing on the playground because I knew people would talk about it, and probably call me a show-off.

And that was just grade school.

I came to the realization only a couple years ago that I was still that little girl, only in a grown-up body. I had no idea who I actually was because I was constantly worried about what other people were thinking. What if I said the wrong thing? Or did the wrong thing? Or worse yet, what if I just liked the wrong things?

Would I ever be cool enough?

And then, it hit me.

Nope, I certainly wouldn't.  And honestly, I was beyond sick of trying.

I like K-pop. And anime. If it rains outside you can catch me either reading in a fluffy armchair or literally sprinting home laughing to myself because I had decided to take a walk. I trip up stairs and down them. I say ow even when something doesn't hurt. I can probably kick your butt in video games and I LIKE LAUGHING MORE THAN ANYTHING. Get me started talking about dance and I could go for hours.

And you know what? I have more friends now than I ever did when I was trying to be something I wasn't. I'm loved because I'm really, truly and sometimes embarrassingly myself.

Perfection is frustrating. No one can achieve it. And if it looks like they have, you're probably not seeing the whole picture. 

So, here's my plea, my prayer for you.

Go to that movie by yourself.

Run like a maniac through the rain and take a nap in a park.

Stargaze.

Kick that guy's butt at Dance Dance Revolution. And then kick it again at Fortnite.

Sing your favorite song at the top of your lungs, even though you can't carry a tune to save your life.

Eat. The. Freaking. Burger.

Do you want to be 80 years old and have lived a life that wasn't yours? 

Open yourself up. Figure out what YOU like and what you don't. Say no. Say no again. Say yes at the top of your lungs and then follow through with it. Rethink your decisions, but never regret them. Make friends. Have the courage to leave friends that were never truly your friends. Let go, and fight to hold on.

I pray that you wake up tomorrow with the courage to be truly and unapologetically yourself. It is the bravest thing you will ever do.